These past few weeks have been hell. I recently made one of the toughest decisions in my life. The stress, anxiety, and sadness that accompany this decision are mixed with the joy, excitement, and possibility that come with it as well.
To be honest, there have been quite a few moments of, shall we say, non-zen.
Okay…I lost my shit more than once.
When The Proverbial Shit Hits The Proverbial Fan
I am not a big Bible guy. I assume there is a proverb about shits and fans in there somewhere, right? Somewhere between the talking snake and the talking donkey? No? Well, the shit and the fan are proverbial nonetheless.
When big events happen in our lives, it is only natural to be thrown off-balance. Sometimes the big events come out of the blue, like a death of a loved one. Other times, like with me right now, it is slow in its unfolding and painful in how long it gets dragged out.
About a month ago, I accepted a new job that requires me to move to the other side of the country, away from some of my kids, my parents, and friends. This past month has been filled with tears of goodbye, anxiety about the future, the stress of making the decision, and then the stress of wondering if it was the right decision.
To be sure, in addition to the sadness and stress, this is a great opportunity and will be a grand, exciting adventure that brings with it many positives. I go from moments of joy and excitement to moments of fear and anxiety. And this teeter-totter of emotions happens several times a day. Hell, several times an hour.
I have been thrown more than a little off-balance in this process. (Hence my lack of attention to this blog.)
But Doesn’t Meditation Help?
How far off-balance would I have been knocked if I hadn’t been trying to practice daily meditation, find spiritual balance, and cultivate mindfulness in my life? I don’t know, but I can’t help feeling like I am handling it all the better because I have been trying to walk this path.
I have not been perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. I still freak out from time to time. But I also am now able to find moments of calm in various situations throughout the day, when I would not have been able to previously. What I am saying is, I have lost less of my shit than I would have before.
Not only that but I actually I don’t know if I would have been able to make this decision at an earlier part of my life. My daily meditation practice and focus on being mindful has enabled me to be better at stepping back and seeing that a decision like this, despite being hard and uncomfortable, is the right thing for me to do.
We Don’t Always Feel the Daily Benefit
Does meditation solve all my problems, get rid of all my stress, and make every day a pocket full of sunshine?
However, what my every day sitting has done is it has given me the tools to find more calm throughout this stressful experience. I am so grateful that I am able to more easily slip into meditative moments, I am better equipped to find calm throughout the day than I was when I first started. Even if it is just five minutes here or ten minutes there.
We may not feel the benefits every day of sitting and meditating. But when the big stressful moments come along, we will be better equipped to make it through without losing our shit. Well, not all of our shit.
I am not perfect, but I am walking the path. And I am better for it.